Your my obsession my fetish my religion

I JUST broke up with my girlfriend (Yes Im a girl for those of you who are not my friend and didnt know). I feel like my fuckin (sorry for those who hate curseing >.<) world is crashing down on me and IM the one who did it! I feel like shit and I dont wanna go out of my room. I mean i hate it even tho inside i feel it was kinda a good thing tho i also feel it wasnt.

I want to curl up and eat ice cream or stay hidden. But is it so bad that im hurting cuz we had to keep are dateing secret cuz her mom is a homophobic control freak. And well half my family think im one.

I know some out there wont care about this post at all. I may not even get comments. But I just wanted advice someone out there who knows what Im going through.

I mean its bad enough i cant call her all the time or people flip out, So i have to say things over the computor. Im 17 i wanna go out on real dates and I cant. When she asked "Are we over?" I typed "Yea..yea I think we are" then i backspaced it and put "Most likely" was it cuz im scared to say yes and face the truth or cuz im makeing a wrong mistake.

Im so confused and parents dont completely understand and some hate same sex partners. Maybe i am a freak. I feel so lost and alone right now -sigh- Im listening to Monsoon on repeat O.O

Any advice or something would really help if not thanx for reading i guess.

~~Billslover

 

 

Ok so I just watched the documentary of Tokio Hotel "100% Tokio Hotel" It was translated and stuff. Just so you know before you start reading this may be kinda long so if your in for a read if not I suggest you not to read further lolz.

 

But anyways the whole thing moved me to tears. Not just because of the sad stuff that happened but because (sorry if this seems to corny) we all have the type of parents who will sit In the car and a old song comes on from there teen years and wont let you turn it. And the ride home or to the store your having to hear it and them sing it. Well I totally understand my mother now.

 

And I figure In a couple years when I have kids of my own and they become my age I'm going to bring out my old Cd's or a song I know will come on and ill be the same. Ill be that mom who is sitting in her car waiting on her kids to come out of the school and I turn the radio on and there's "Monsoon" or "Automatic" and ill probably scream and turn it up and embarrass my kids.

 

But I'm glad ill have a band to talk and brag about. My mom had Aerosmith,Journey etc. And now ill have Tokio Hotel to go on and on about. I know I may have said this before but my most favorite memory of them was when i was uhh 15 or 16. My mom had got us cable with tons of channels. And it was cool to me because i had NO computer at this time. And i remember laying on my bed after I got home from school and i turned it on a 24/7 music vid thing it had a bunch of bands from diffrent places. I heard music but was not really interested in turning over to look at the screen and see who it was.

 

Then I heard Bills voice and I heard a cool language. I listened for a second and turned over and there was this boy i remember thinking "Wow his style is out there" or something. And i remember saying he was really cute. Then i would wait the next day to see it again and it would sometimes not come back.

 

Then we had the cable cut off and I forgot about Tokio Hotel. Then we got it back but it didn't have the same channels. And one day my girlfriend came over and I had got my laptop and she showed me a picture she found on photo bucket. Bill had the 'Lions mane" style in it. But in the vid it was different. I had to sit there and think and I almost scared her when i started getting happy i kept saying hes that dude!!

 

After that it was YouTube forever. I looked at every video they had and was hooked. I mean Tokio Hotel changed MY life. I saw how they could change there looks to suit them not the public.  I think they are and will always be the best German band to hit America to me not saying all of you have to agree but yea.

 

Heres the link to the vid i first saw of them that was on my TV.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElxWVMJdXOs  "Wir Schließen Uns Ein"

1 Red rose.......

Bill Kaulitz, German lead singer of Tokio Hotel. The ideal boyfriend the sweet and cute Bill. He was loved and adored by many. But there was one thing the many fans did not know.

Bill Kaulitz had a secret.

Me.

Me and Bill met In a starbucks. It was last christmas and it was snowing hard. My friend lulu and I were comeing in from the snow storm. We had gotten to the counter and ordered are drinks. I looked to my left and there he was...Bill Kaulitz.

"lulu.." I tried to keep my voice down.

lulu looked at me and seen me nod to my left. She took a fast glance and almost droped her coffee. "Go over there."

I stared at her for a while. "No way.."

lulu glared at me. "Rebecca you walk over to him and you talk to him while you have the chance!" She shoved me in his derection. Then added, "and get Tom's number!"

I glared at her and made my way over trying not to seem to odd. as i was walking towards him, he was turning around and then...

BAM!

"Ow..." I held my head looking at the floor. Bill was doing the same.

lulu could be heard behind me laughing. I turned to look at her.

She looked away acting as if she was drinking her coffee.

"Im so sorry!.." I blurted out.

Bill looked up and smiled. "Its fine.."

Oh that voice..

"What is your name?" Bill picked up his stuff that was on the counter.

"Rebecca..friends call me Becca though." I blushed.

"Look I know this may seem odd but my brother and I are haveing a party and I have no one to go and-"

"Id love to!" I blushed more. did I just do that?.. "I mean of course id love to."

Bill smiled wide and gave me his cell number. I dont know how long I stood there but lulu had shook me.

"Becca..What did he say?"

"H-he invited me to a party and gave me his number.."

lulu grabed it and gasped. "Your takeing me! Bill+Party=Tom is there"

"You know id take you." I smiled I couldnt belive it myself. Bill Kaulitz had just ask me out.

To be continued...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry i havent been on in months. Or not on enough. Ive been going through hard stuff and i try to get on when i can.

 

Things ill be working on on Buzznet

*Writeing a new fanfic :3

*Fixing up my profile

*Try to figure out how to make a header banner thing =/ (Help!!)

*Message friends i have not talked to in forever (>.> you no who u r)

*Get Tokio Hotels new CD and blast it on my radio while writeing on here ^_^

* Make more journals on TH and CB yayz!

 

So anyways yea i need some help on the header banner thingy im still like confused on that -sigh-

So someone please help me on that i would hug you forever! >:3

~~Becca~~

 

[WARNING]: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TH DO NOT READ ON >.> AND DO NOT COMMENT AT ALL IT WILL BE DELETED AND I WILL BLOCK YOU THANX! HAVE A GREAT DAY! XD]

 

Ok today i was on youtube just looking up stuff and saw that vid. If you have heard of it the 20-25 year old girls were stalking TH. So at a gas station where Tom Kaultz is at those girl come there and i think they follwed him. So they start i guess herassing him and he either punches or slaps a girl. I do not blame him those girls and more have herassed his family i mean they had footage of Simone Kaulitz there mom trying to get girl away n they looked like they were fighting her like saying crap to her. And they did like a speed chase on Tom on a highway -_- Like when will it stop?! They have normal lives to he was just going to a damn gas station thats messed up what they did oh and they have pics showing em wearing weird maskand scarfs wraped around there heads. there from france but moved to Germany all near TH. And then they say there scared of us USA fans saying they fear they are are target now. And they some US fans said they were flying over to kick there ass. Well i do not blame em at all if i could i would to and that girl was asulting Tom is why he hit back so of course she play the victim card but there all insane and scary and they should be locked up...i really hope the charge stays on her >.> Its messed up when there only family is getting herassed by these freaky teens and adults. I mean your not a fan when you do that your a weird person who is a harm to people around you. And guess what Th want even come to the USA now cuz of them! They cant finish there new album. They have to protect there mom and i dont blame them.  And i doubt Tom hurt her like how she says anyways but i still dont blame them.Here is a link to the vid i watched and pls leave a comment id like to hear your thoughts.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xol-4Boz54Q

 

To all you people who do this to them you are a bunch of a**holes! And i hope you get thrown in jail you have ruined there lives now and if girls go and beat you up its your fault. So dont get shocked if it happens cuz you have pissed alot of fans off. Also yes i know this was not just today i know it has happend but ive just seen it so i wanted to write how i feel and i think they should be charged and put in jail >.>

 

 

I saw a vid and it was in German and i remeber going "Omg this band rocks and the singer is hot!" and i was always waiting for it to come back on because i had forgotten the name and im like man!!! And a month goes by and my friend shows me a pic of a guy that she thought id like and i said "THATS HIM!!!" and scared  her and she was like O_o so i looked them up and ive been hooked ever since. And i bug her sometimes cuz i know ALL the words to there songs and i no alot about them now and she says "I sometimes regret showing his picture" and im like not me cuz i love the band and Bill! :) I know you may find me really weird lol but thats what happend ^_^

Ok well i have a gf (Yes im a girl to btw) and shes able to come spend the night like ever 3 weeks. Well i cant call her all the time so the only time we get to call is when shes on the internet, we like to talk over Youtube. But then her mom took that away shes only on the computor now on Tuesday,Friday,Saterday n Sunday and i dont know i just get really bored n sad. And i cry sometimes has anyone here gone through this or are going through it? Cuz id love advice on how to get through it without being so damn upset.

Ok like if your Bi or gay or a lez then ull understand where im comeing from. Well see im bi so today i told my mamaw and she said things that hurt me. Ok yes we all know from the bible its a sin ok ya dont have to blurt it to us 24/7 and well she said something that made me cry she said "Myabe you need to go to the doctor and ask him to cure you" and im like wtf?! like am i a freak? and she said i cant be Bi if i havent had sex or went with BOTH im a 17 year old girl you can be 13 and be Bi and that doesnt mean you have to be with both NOW. And also that its a phase that i only THINk im that way that i dont know who i am.....im just tired and i wanna move out sooo bad the only ppl who dont down me is my mom n my lil brother sure they dont wanna be involved in that stuff but they dont shout at me that im screwed up and that theres something wrong with me...well i just wanted to share n get it out well thats it for now ^_^

Well first off this New Years was a good one i made a few promises to myself.

1. To get a job (-_- no luck yet but i am trying!! T_T)
2. To do drivers test (yes i think ill do bad)
3. Get through GED (yes people im 17 and im in that do not judge meh -_-" )
4. Look for apartments so ill know what to look for when im 18
5. Clean my room (which might i add isnt very clean at the momment)
6. When im 18 and able to leave shout im bisexual to my family (cuz i have told my mom and she says its a phase that i dont know what i am -_-)
7. Get my puppy and name it Tommi (Tom Kaulitz just incase u didnt no lol if its a girl i shall name it lulu after my sis)
8. To go to the following concerts Tokio Hotel,Cinema Bizarre, H.I.M, O.A.R,Three day grace, Coldplay
9. And stay on this diet im on :(

 

and lulu i loves ya! hehe you have been there for me more then you know and i wouldnt have the guts to do have of this if i didnt know i had a good friend and sister like you..<3

 

Ok sorry to my friends on here you no who u r :) that i wasnt on for so long. My back is really messed up, well my hip anyways i might be off again cuz i have to go to the hospital in January. I dont really know how bad it is i just no its been like this for a month and 2 weeks and its not getting better. So im  sorry if you guys think i left buzznet and are avoiding u in some way. Id never do that and i love u guys alot :) and TomKaulitz5 my sissy ^^. But yea some ppl are telling me i might get surgery and im scared :( but i dont no till i go to the doctors next month. Ill post a journal to tell ya guys ^^ but Till then ill try to be on everyday :)

 

XOXOXO ~Becca~

We had a late start getting to town, cause lulu had to shower she always takes forever (I sorry lulu i love u!!! XD). We got to the store and found the nail polish. "Sweet neon pink and black will look sooo cool!" lulu looked at me with a *u no what happend last time* look i sighed. "That was my hair lulu not my nails :p"

 

"hello ladys i see u have ur eyes on r wonderful colors of nail polish, id like to tell you we have a nail salon back here" i looked at lulu. "fine and stop doing that face" i smiled and ran to the chair and sat next to some person getting theres done.

"Ok what colors ould u like?" she was German but she spoke english very well. "uhhhh black and white at the tips" i said in a hyper voice. "After my fave singer" she smiled at me kindly and pulled out the colors. "Who is that?" i looked at her like *who else?*. "Bill Kaulitz" the person next to me shifted a bit i could tell it was a man by his hands and well his pants area (hehe naughty me! XD).

Then thats when i seen it black hair, i looked from the corner of my eye to see his face under that cap "OMFG!!!!!!!" (sorry for those who would be offended by that XD). My sister ran over to me i was in the floor rubbing my butt. "ARE YOU OK?!?!" she was at my side holding her cheast. "U scared the crap out of me Becca..." she picked up my purse and the stuff that fell out. "Im so sorry if i scared you" i heard that voice my heart stoped it was him! Bill Kaulitz right there telling ME he was sorry! I looked up to see him looking at me. "O-Oh its ok* i stood up and as soon as i did i felt short, seeing as im 5"7 and hes 6"1.

The door opend to the store "Billa hurry up Saki is waiting" i saw Bill walk to Tom and pull him over still clinging to his arm ."awwwwww so cute!!!!!!" they both stared at me. Then before i could call for lulu i saw her tackle Tom. "lulu!" i was so sacred what if Saki rushed in and tackled my sis! i saw Bill panic its his twin and all. "Tommi!!!" he pulled Tom to him lulu got up smileing proud i giggled "jeeze sis u scared me i thought Saki would run in and do that to u!" we all laughed and Tom blushed a bit.

 

~~To be continued!!~~ (lulu dont hate me!!!!! Tom is ok no worries! plus this is the begining of them likeing us XD)

That night i couldnt sleep ok yes i know Germany is great but i was stareing at the person on my poster i really wanted to see, Bill Kaulitz. To me he is everything and im not one of those fan girls who cut his hair to save in a shoe box under there bed (no offence to the ones that do XD). He is a person and i know deep down its just a dream to meet him it wont happen not to me atleast (and yes i play myself in this XD).

The next day at the Airport........

"Ok kids do you have the passports?" i sighed "Yes mom we have all of it we love you lots now can we go pls?????". She only smiled at me and whisperd something to lulu, she does that ALL the time acts like im a baby well ill show her ill make it on my own, she walked over seeing my pout. "Sweetheart be careful ok ur 16" "bout to be 17!" i interupted then blushed cuz people turned to look at me. "Yes well there alot of almost 17 year olds that can get hurt doing stuff there and no climbing over the Kaulitz home fence like your friends at camp did" I giggled cuz i thought back  Lizzie, me and lulu's friend at camp had told us of the time they had a vacation over there, and was takeing pictures of the Trumper home and Lizzie couldnt get a good shot so she climbed over a bit, and fell to the other side paniced she climbed a tree just as the door opened me and lulu never stoped laughing.

 

after the plane ride......

"lulu this hotel look fantastic!" i jumped on the big bed. "Well  TH did stay here once if im correct" she was unpacking our stuff "Rebecca get the stuff ull wear tomorrow out so we can get ready faster" i smiled and got to my feet and went over to my big suitcase that weighed more then the bed i bet, and searched i finally got what i wanted and sat it all on the chair my sister did the same ,and soon there was room service. "eww you got olives" i gaged those are so nasty i thought to myself.

 

"lulu do u think we will meet TH?" she smirked at me cuz only she knows who i really mean. "Ya know Bill probly shops alot here we could ask around and bump into him and then you two will make out" she started kissing a pillow mocking me i threw one at her she fell off the bed. "ahha thats what u get" i went to the bathroom and started brushing my hair and putting it up. "No he wont ;like someone like me...i mean he needs someone as beautiful as him...i mean beautiful people are ment for each other" i sighed and went back into the room and layed next to lulu who was fliping through the channels i turned over. "night lulu" i almost whisperd it. "night Becca" then i fell asleep feeling a bit sad and understanding on what i had said to myself moments ago.

 

 

~~To be continued~~

 

(hehe i no have my friends are gonna say "Ur not ugly! dont put that in the story!" but eh hope u liked it more to come! ^^)

(This is to TomKaulitz5 she is my Buzznet sis ^^)

My POV

I come in and mom is cooking dinner "Mom where is lulu?". She turned to grab a spoon,"uhhh well she was in here look up stairs". I ran up the stairs to find my sister sitting at het computor. "Did we get the email yet?????" she looked at me and smiled "Well lil sis if you call going to Germany for a month me getting it and reading that we won then yes we got the email" she smiled at the end of the sentence.

"Yes!!!" i jumped around. Well i was so happy Germany is the best!

 

(Just a preveiw! but tell me if it sounds good and this will have TH!!!!)

does anyone no y TRL is haveing a last Epesode?

Damn he won?!!!!! y?!!!! shit were all gonna die cuz him and his buddys in that country! this isnt fair! and no im not mad cuz hes black it has nothing to do with color but thats y most ppl voted for him T_T well ty u ppl who did cuz in 4 years when u r poor in a cardboard box and theres bad guys storming into the US and stuff then u no who u voted for We love u McCain we wished u had got in! and im sorry half the ppl didnt see through the other one >.> if we survive the next four years i promise i will vote!

sorry ive been off awhile! ^^ my internet messed up a bit but im back now :)

I just wanted to take sometime to say thank you to my best friend whos more like a sister Lulu u have made me feel happy when i feel sad and ur advice has picked me up when i just wanted to give up we may not talk but over Buzznet but i feel like ive nown u forever and im glad i met u and im glad i can come to u to talk when im feeling alone and scared and to no u wont turn away makes me feel better and without u i think half the things in life i wouldnt get through cuz u were there to talk and help so thank you from the bottom of my heart i love u girl *hugs* i think u r one of the  most kindest and most loveing person ive met that is like a sister and im really happy we can talk about things that we both like i mean  like Tom and Bill hehe we talk alot about them well what teenage girl wouldnt ya no lol but still yet ur the best and i wouldnt trade ya for the world ^^

In october ill be going to find my dad who i havent see for 16 years and im scared cuz he didnt want me from what my family tells me but i have to no from his words i have to face my greatest fear my dad before i can move on hes the reson kids picked on me hes the reason i felt alone theres times i needed my dad but i new he wouldnt be there and i dont want to hate him i want him to be there for me but like i said i dont no the man and he may not wanna see me but its worth a try im almost 17 and i need to get this over with before it hurts me more and i no im acting childish like my family thinks but i said once i see him im slaping him and im putting all my tears and pain in it and you no what hurts more is noing i have and older brother and sister and a sister my age myabe more from my dad cuz he slept around so i dont no most of them and my dad leaves here in my state like just the next city or something and family has told us they have seen my dad and that he was most likely doing drugs *sigh* it hurts to no he chose drugs and another girl over me and my mommy i blame myself alot like u no what if i was never born myabe mom would still have him but i no im a blessing no matter what that everything that happens is ment to happen and its for the best cuz i dont think id be here talking my best friends like Lulu!!! *hugs* i want to thank her cuz she is so graet to talk to i can tell her anything and shes there for me! i love u girl!

 

 

Ahhhhhh lol my mom cut my hair it used to be to my butt and now its near my shoulders i was like nooooooo cuzi grew that forever but oh well lol i need it ut tho to get the pink highlights in it ^_^ but still im not a prep or anything no offence to thos who r but ur hair is ur hair and it feels weird when i had long hair for so long lol and now when itsin pony tails its so short hehe i like it tho so yea just wanted to share it with ya ^_^