Your my obsession my fetish my religion

I JUST broke up with my girlfriend (Yes Im a girl for those of you who are not my friend and didnt know). I feel like my fuckin (sorry for those who hate curseing >.<) world is crashing down on me and IM the one who did it! I feel like shit and I dont wanna go out of my room. I mean i hate it even tho inside i feel it was kinda a good thing tho i also feel it wasnt.

I want to curl up and eat ice cream or stay hidden. But is it so bad that im hurting cuz we had to keep are dateing secret cuz her mom is a homophobic control freak. And well half my family think im one.

I know some out there wont care about this post at all. I may not even get comments. But I just wanted advice someone out there who knows what Im going through.

I mean its bad enough i cant call her all the time or people flip out, So i have to say things over the computor. Im 17 i wanna go out on real dates and I cant. When she asked "Are we over?" I typed "Yea..yea I think we are" then i backspaced it and put "Most likely" was it cuz im scared to say yes and face the truth or cuz im makeing a wrong mistake.

Im so confused and parents dont completely understand and some hate same sex partners. Maybe i am a freak. I feel so lost and alone right now -sigh- Im listening to Monsoon on repeat O.O

Any advice or something would really help if not thanx for reading i guess.

~~Billslover