I want to curl up and eat ice cream or stay hidden. But is it so bad that im hurting cuz we had to keep are dateing secret cuz her mom is a homophobic control freak. And well half my family think im one.

I know some out there wont care about this post at all. I may not even get comments. But I just wanted advice someone out there who knows what Im going through.

I mean its bad enough i cant call her all the time or people flip out, So i have to say things over the computor. Im 17 i wanna go out on real dates and I cant. When she asked "Are we over?" I typed "Yea..yea I think we are" then i backspaced it and put "Most likely" was it cuz im scared to say yes and face the truth or cuz im makeing a wrong mistake.

Im so confused and parents dont completely understand and some hate same sex partners. Maybe i am a freak. I feel so lost and alone right now -sigh- Im listening to Monsoon on repeat O.O

Any advice or something would really help if not thanx for reading i guess.

~~Billslover

Ok so I just watched the documentary of Tokio Hotel "100% Tokio Hotel" It was translated and stuff. Just so you know before you start reading this may be kinda long so if your in for a read if not I suggest you not to read further lolz.

But anyways the whole thing moved me to tears. Not just because of the sad stuff that happened but because (sorry if this seems to corny) we all have the type of parents who will sit In the car and a old song comes on from there teen years and wont let you turn it. And the ride home or to the store your having to hear it and them sing it. Well I totally understand my mother now.

And I figure In a couple years when I have kids of my own and they become my age I'm going to bring out my old Cd's or a song I know will come on and ill be the same. Ill be that mom who is sitting in her car waiting on her kids to come out of the school and I turn the radio on and there's "Monsoon" or "Automatic" and ill probably scream and turn it up and embarrass my kids.

But I'm glad ill have a band to talk and brag about. My mom had Aerosmith,Journey etc. And now ill have Tokio Hotel to go on and on about. I know I may have said this before but my most favorite memory of them was when i was uhh 15 or 16. My mom had got us cable with tons of channels. And it was cool to me because i had NO computer at this time. And i remember laying on my bed after I got home from school and i turned it on a 24/7 music vid thing it had a bunch of bands from diffrent places. I heard music but was not really interested in turning over to look at the screen and see who it was.

Then I heard Bills voice and I heard a cool language. I listened for a second and turned over and there was this boy i remember thinking "Wow his style is out there" or something. And i remember saying he was really cute. Then i would wait the next day to see it again and it would sometimes not come back.

Then we had the cable cut off and I forgot about Tokio Hotel. Then we got it back but it didn't have the same channels. And one day my girlfriend came over and I had got my laptop and she showed me a picture she found on photo bucket. Bill had the 'Lions mane" style in it. But in the vid it was different. I had to sit there and think and I almost scared her when i started getting happy i kept saying hes that dude!!

After that it was YouTube forever. I looked at every video they had and was hooked. I mean Tokio Hotel changed MY life. I saw how they could change there looks to suit them not the public.  I think they are and will always be the best German band to hit America to me not saying all of you have to agree but yea.

Heres the link to the vid i first saw of them that was on my TV.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElxWVMJdXOs  "Wir Schließen Uns Ein"

Bill Kaulitz, German lead singer of Tokio Hotel. The ideal boyfriend the sweet and cute Bill. He was loved and adored by many. But there was one thing the many fans did not know.

Bill Kaulitz had a secret.

Me.

Me and Bill met In a starbucks. It was last christmas and it was snowing hard. My friend lulu and I were comeing in from the snow storm. We had gotten to the counter and ordered are drinks. I looked to my left and there he was...Bill Kaulitz.

"lulu.." I tried to keep my voice down.

lulu looked at me and seen me nod to my left. She took a fast glance and almost droped her coffee. "Go over there."

I stared at her for a while. "No way.."

lulu glared at me. "Rebecca you walk over to him and you talk to him while you have the chance!" She shoved me in his derection. Then added, "and get Tom's number!"

I glared at her and made my way over trying not to seem to odd. as i was walking towards him, he was turning around and then...

BAM!

"Ow..." I held my head looking at the floor. Bill was doing the same.

lulu could be heard behind me laughing. I turned to look at her.

She looked away acting as if she was drinking her coffee.

"Im so sorry!.." I blurted out.

Bill looked up and smiled. "Its fine.."

Oh that voice..

"What is your name?" Bill picked up his stuff that was on the counter.

"Rebecca..friends call me Becca though." I blushed.

"Look I know this may seem odd but my brother and I are haveing a party and I have no one to go and-"

"Id love to!" I blushed more. did I just do that?.. "I mean of course id love to."

Bill smiled wide and gave me his cell number. I dont know how long I stood there but lulu had shook me.

"Becca..What did he say?"

"H-he invited me to a party and gave me his number.."

lulu grabed it and gasped. "Your takeing me! Bill+Party=Tom is there"

"You know id take you." I smiled I couldnt belive it myself. Bill Kaulitz had just ask me out.

To be continued...

Things ill be working on on Buzznet

*Writeing a new fanfic :3

*Fixing up my profile

*Try to figure out how to make a header banner thing =/ (Help!!)

*Message friends i have not talked to in forever (>.> you no who u r)

*Get Tokio Hotels new CD and blast it on my radio while writeing on here ^_^

* Make more journals on TH and CB yayz!

So anyways yea i need some help on the header banner thingy im still like confused on that -sigh-

So someone please help me on that i would hug you forever! >:3

~~Becca~~

[WARNING]: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TH DO NOT READ ON >.> AND DO NOT COMMENT AT ALL IT WILL BE DELETED AND I WILL BLOCK YOU THANX! HAVE A GREAT DAY! XD]

Ok today i was on youtube just looking up stuff and saw that vid. If you have heard of it the 20-25 year old girls were stalking TH. So at a gas station where Tom Kaultz is at those girl come there and i think they follwed him. So they start i guess herassing him and he either punches or slaps a girl. I do not blame him those girls and more have herassed his family i mean they had footage of Simone Kaulitz there mom trying to get girl away n they looked like they were fighting her like saying crap to her. And they did like a speed chase on Tom on a highway -_- Like when will it stop?! They have normal lives to he was just going to a damn gas station thats messed up what they did oh and they have pics showing em wearing weird maskand scarfs wraped around there heads. there from france but moved to Germany all near TH. And then they say there scared of us USA fans saying they fear they are are target now. And they some US fans said they were flying over to kick there ass. Well i do not blame em at all if i could i would to and that girl was asulting Tom is why he hit back so of course she play the victim card but there all insane and scary and they should be locked up...i really hope the charge stays on her >.> Its messed up when there only family is getting herassed by these freaky teens and adults. I mean your not a fan when you do that your a weird person who is a harm to people around you. And guess what Th want even come to the USA now cuz of them! They cant finish there new album. They have to protect there mom and i dont blame them.  And i doubt Tom hurt her like how she says anyways but i still dont blame them.Here is a link to the vid i watched and pls leave a comment id like to hear your thoughts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xol-4Boz54Q

To all you people who do this to them you are a bunch of a**holes! And i hope you get thrown in jail you have ruined there lives now and if girls go and beat you up its your fault. So dont get shocked if it happens cuz you have pissed alot of fans off. Also yes i know this was not just today i know it has happend but ive just seen it so i wanted to write how i feel and i think they should be charged and put in jail >.>

1. To get a job (-_- no luck yet but i am trying!! T_T)
2. To do drivers test (yes i think ill do bad)
3. Get through GED (yes people im 17 and im in that do not judge meh -_-" )
4. Look for apartments so ill know what to look for when im 18
5. Clean my room (which might i add isnt very clean at the momment)
6. When im 18 and able to leave shout im bisexual to my family (cuz i have told my mom and she says its a phase that i dont know what i am -_-)
7. Get my puppy and name it Tommi (Tom Kaulitz just incase u didnt no lol if its a girl i shall name it lulu after my sis)
8. To go to the following concerts Tokio Hotel,Cinema Bizarre, H.I.M, O.A.R,Three day grace, Coldplay
9. And stay on this diet im on :(

and lulu i loves ya! hehe you have been there for me more then you know and i wouldnt have the guts to do have of this if i didnt know i had a good friend and sister like you..<3

XOXOXO ~Becca~